When men look at a woman's profile pictures they want to see her. The occasional picture of her out and about with friends is fine as long as it is easy to identify her. The rule is modified when there are men in the picture. A brother shot is fine. It shows he cares and that you are close to your family. However other men who are not related to you need not be in your photos. We do not care that you know, or simply met, some celebrity... at least not at that point. That will make a cool story for in-person conversing later.
It is bad enough when there is some male "just a guy friend" in the picture, however it is much worse when he is visible into you and you are blind to it. The next level of bad pictures is those with your clearly homosexual friends. There is nothing flattery about a photo with you in the background, clearly drunk, and some guy in a deep vee neck clingy tee acting like a tiger in the foreground. You only make it worse by captioning it "A night out on the town with my [homosexual] [female dogs]" He might a get date out it, however you certainly will not.
As with all things in your dating or matchmaking profile, you want to put your best foot forward. You want to come across as positively as you can. While you may want to convey authenticity with your photos you can still do that in a more mild mannered approach. There is a pot for every lid, however you are barking up the wrong tree if you think that a man will be impressed by a photo of you like that. Men do not need to know that all your male friends are homosexual in order for him to be comfortable with you spending time in the company of other males.
The advice doled out is unqualified and is just for entertainment purposes. Your results may vary. The author is in no way responsible for any consequences be they positive or negative.
It Is Not Just The Photos That Count... The Captions Can Hurt You.
I have no problem with a woman consuming alcohol, provided that she is of at least the legal age to do so. And I have to appreciate a woman who has distinguished tastes in her alcoholic beverages. I am neither partial to beer snobs nor wine aficionados. Either are wonderful. That being said, I urge women who do consume alcohol not to post pictures of it. Too many pictures with a drink in your hand makes you look loose. And a bad caption on photo of you consuming a beer makes you look trashy.
I recently came across a photograph of a woman drinking a fresh pulled high-end draft beer. Nothing wrong with the photo itself. The caption remarked something to the tune of "I really enjoy some good [foam]" If you are not familiar with the linguistics of beers then I suggest you look up what the technical term is for beer foam. I can tell you this; It is the same as a slang term for a certain kind of sex. This woman talked about being a good influence on the children in her Sunday school class later in the profile.
No man impressed with your role in your church is going to appreciate the sexual innuendo and the reverse is also true. Crude humor is not going to land you the right man. He maybe the right guy for that moment, however he is not a keeper.
The advice doled out is unqualified and is just for entertainment purposes. Your results may vary. The author is in no way responsible for any consequences be they positive or negative.
I recently came across a photograph of a woman drinking a fresh pulled high-end draft beer. Nothing wrong with the photo itself. The caption remarked something to the tune of "I really enjoy some good [foam]" If you are not familiar with the linguistics of beers then I suggest you look up what the technical term is for beer foam. I can tell you this; It is the same as a slang term for a certain kind of sex. This woman talked about being a good influence on the children in her Sunday school class later in the profile.
No man impressed with your role in your church is going to appreciate the sexual innuendo and the reverse is also true. Crude humor is not going to land you the right man. He maybe the right guy for that moment, however he is not a keeper.
The advice doled out is unqualified and is just for entertainment purposes. Your results may vary. The author is in no way responsible for any consequences be they positive or negative.
It Was The Best Advice And It Was The Worst Advice
A major matchmaking site recently told its subscriber base that the key to finding the right match was to reach out to all the people with whom they have paired you.
In my case that would be a laborious effort that would consume way too much of my time. This site that purports to pair you with those few souls who could potentially be your soul mate has nearly 4,000 women with whom it has paired me for the previous 12 months. And admittedly, those are very weak matches. I am the exception rather than the rule according to them.
So why is this both the best advice and the worst advice for those of you who do not receive 10 matches a day on an average day? Let us start with the worst and work our way to the best.
Time is the most precious resource that we have. Do you really want to spend it pursuing a relationship that you really do not want? Of course, you do not. And you are going to remember all those men that you do not like and not really remember the winners in the bunch. And with all that corresponding, you could potentially get the men mixed up unless you did it serially.
The best part of the advice is that it gets you communicating which the number one issue men cite when they speak of not paying for membership to these sites. They send out message that go unanswered. They may see a woman that is not exactly what they are looking for, however might just be exactly what they need. A little encouragement could spur them to communicate. Unless you are exactly what I am looking for, I am not going to initiate communication. However, I generally will do something to thank the woman who shows interest in me even though the feeling is not mutual. It takes a lot of bravery to hit that button marked send even if it is only attached to a virtual wink or smile. And men do appreciate that.
Here is my advice as it applies to their advice. Men do not want to be pursued by a woman who is not into them, so do not do that. However, men do appreciate a woman who is willing to take a risk on them. Divide the men you are matched up with into three groups. The men who in way, shape, or form fit your realistic mold of what you are looking for you put in the delete group. These are the men who you get off your radar screen immediately. Then next group is the most obvious. These are the men that you are interested in. Communicate with them in whatever fashion you feel comfortable. If you think that the man should do all the pursuing then send a virtual hello of whatever sort. That way he at least is aware of your presence. Beginning the communication process formally is never a bad thing either. The third group is the most overlooked group. It is the men for whom you are neither hot nor cold. If they communicate then you do too. And on the occasional rainy day, send one or two of them a virtual hello and see what happens. You may even begin the process of communicating with them on this metaphorical rainy day. These men may just be what you have been looking for all this time and never known it.
The advice doled out is unqualified and is just for entertainment purposes. Your results may vary. The author is in no way responsible for any consequences be they positive or negative.
In my case that would be a laborious effort that would consume way too much of my time. This site that purports to pair you with those few souls who could potentially be your soul mate has nearly 4,000 women with whom it has paired me for the previous 12 months. And admittedly, those are very weak matches. I am the exception rather than the rule according to them.
So why is this both the best advice and the worst advice for those of you who do not receive 10 matches a day on an average day? Let us start with the worst and work our way to the best.
Time is the most precious resource that we have. Do you really want to spend it pursuing a relationship that you really do not want? Of course, you do not. And you are going to remember all those men that you do not like and not really remember the winners in the bunch. And with all that corresponding, you could potentially get the men mixed up unless you did it serially.
The best part of the advice is that it gets you communicating which the number one issue men cite when they speak of not paying for membership to these sites. They send out message that go unanswered. They may see a woman that is not exactly what they are looking for, however might just be exactly what they need. A little encouragement could spur them to communicate. Unless you are exactly what I am looking for, I am not going to initiate communication. However, I generally will do something to thank the woman who shows interest in me even though the feeling is not mutual. It takes a lot of bravery to hit that button marked send even if it is only attached to a virtual wink or smile. And men do appreciate that.
Here is my advice as it applies to their advice. Men do not want to be pursued by a woman who is not into them, so do not do that. However, men do appreciate a woman who is willing to take a risk on them. Divide the men you are matched up with into three groups. The men who in way, shape, or form fit your realistic mold of what you are looking for you put in the delete group. These are the men who you get off your radar screen immediately. Then next group is the most obvious. These are the men that you are interested in. Communicate with them in whatever fashion you feel comfortable. If you think that the man should do all the pursuing then send a virtual hello of whatever sort. That way he at least is aware of your presence. Beginning the communication process formally is never a bad thing either. The third group is the most overlooked group. It is the men for whom you are neither hot nor cold. If they communicate then you do too. And on the occasional rainy day, send one or two of them a virtual hello and see what happens. You may even begin the process of communicating with them on this metaphorical rainy day. These men may just be what you have been looking for all this time and never known it.
The advice doled out is unqualified and is just for entertainment purposes. Your results may vary. The author is in no way responsible for any consequences be they positive or negative.
Creating A Stalker: A How-Not-To Guide
So you meet a nice man and really hit it off. Maybe you lay it on a little thicker than you should. You tell him that you cannot imagine your life before him... That he is the one you never thought you would ever meet. He is a total dream boat and you have left no doubt in his mind that you know it... And then something happens, real or simply imagined, and he is dead to you. It is nothing apparent to him or anyone else that he knows. You and your crew know what he did or did not do, so you cut off all contact with him. That e-mail that you gave him, you delete the account. If you met online, you delete the account affiliated with that site.
Here is the deal: Your friend Margie may think what he wrote was creepy, however he did not mean it that way. That thing he did or did not do, he has analyzed it to death and cannot figure out how that led to you cutting off all contact, so he dismisses it as not the problem.
What is a man to do when things go from super terrific awesome to dead silence? Seek the headwaters of the river of pain. He just wants to know what he said or did, so that he can apologize, make things right and get back to good. If it was so grievous that you bring this budding romance to a grinding halt, then there is no way you are getting back together with him. However, he does not know that. He has looked at every angle and cannot see the problem, so he thinks it is a simple misunderstanding.
You quit him cold turkey, so those messages that he sent you on facebook are deleted without reading them. Had you read them then you would know that he has finally given up trying and just wants to know what happened so he can avoid it with the next woman. The more you stonewall him the harder he tries until something happens. Either he gives up, you finally tell him, or you call the police.
The moral of the story is that had you just talked it out with him instead of giving him the cold shoulder, then you two might be an item. Even if it was just what you thought or it did not work out, you would have saved yourself a lot of grief and him a lot of time. You could have parted ways in a way that is somewhat amicable way.
You fell for him for a reason, so give him the benefit of the doubt and at least talk to him. Chances are that he will be reasonable and leave you alone if you really want. He deserves to know why you no longer want to see him. There were no warning signs on his end that you did not want to see him again.
The advice doled out is unqualified and is just for entertainment purposes. Your results may vary. The author is in no way responsible for any consequences be they positive or negative.
Here is the deal: Your friend Margie may think what he wrote was creepy, however he did not mean it that way. That thing he did or did not do, he has analyzed it to death and cannot figure out how that led to you cutting off all contact, so he dismisses it as not the problem.
What is a man to do when things go from super terrific awesome to dead silence? Seek the headwaters of the river of pain. He just wants to know what he said or did, so that he can apologize, make things right and get back to good. If it was so grievous that you bring this budding romance to a grinding halt, then there is no way you are getting back together with him. However, he does not know that. He has looked at every angle and cannot see the problem, so he thinks it is a simple misunderstanding.
You quit him cold turkey, so those messages that he sent you on facebook are deleted without reading them. Had you read them then you would know that he has finally given up trying and just wants to know what happened so he can avoid it with the next woman. The more you stonewall him the harder he tries until something happens. Either he gives up, you finally tell him, or you call the police.
The moral of the story is that had you just talked it out with him instead of giving him the cold shoulder, then you two might be an item. Even if it was just what you thought or it did not work out, you would have saved yourself a lot of grief and him a lot of time. You could have parted ways in a way that is somewhat amicable way.
You fell for him for a reason, so give him the benefit of the doubt and at least talk to him. Chances are that he will be reasonable and leave you alone if you really want. He deserves to know why you no longer want to see him. There were no warning signs on his end that you did not want to see him again.
The advice doled out is unqualified and is just for entertainment purposes. Your results may vary. The author is in no way responsible for any consequences be they positive or negative.
Why 2nd Or 3rd String Is Not So Bad
When it comes to dating/matchmaking websites, Men tend to categorize women into one of four levels or strings if you will. The first string are the women that they cannot wait to talk to and get to know better. The second string are the women who the man is attracted to, however not enough to risk rejection out of hand. The Third string are the ones that are just okay. The forth are the woman that he has ruled out.
You have a great shot with the man if he contacts you without prompting. You are clearly first string there. However, what if he has not reached out to you. If he has not prevented communication with you, then you are in the sweet spot of 2nd or 3rd string. This is a good place to be. First stringers are generally inundated with gentleman callers. These are the woman that seem like they were born with a boyfriend. These are the women for whom the "pretty girl who never gets asked out" is true... that is until they get on a dating site.
So you are not his first pick... or his first dozen or so picks. Once you get past that, initiate contact. It does not have to be a full blown begin the process of getting to know each other. You can just let him know that you are a real live woman who is interested in getting to know him better.
If you are a second string, then this is nothing but good news. You are telling a man who already has a moderate level of interest in you that you are slightly more interested in him than he is in you. This is a good position to be in, as it gives him an ego boost. However, if you are third string this does not always play out well for you. You being interested in him does make you more attractive in his eyes, however is that enough for him to make contact? That is the million dollar question. If you take the "glass half full" approach then you may see it as the extra little push that he needs to see you for the woman that you are. Chances are actually in your favor if you think about it. He has weighed the idea of closing the door on the possibility and yet decided to keep the door open.
A woman not responding to a man's overtures, either poorly or not at all, always makes a woman who shows interest more enticing. He may not be knocking down your door, however if you play your cards right he might just be knocking at your door in the near future.
The advice doled out is unqualified and is just for entertainment purposes. Your results may vary. The author is in no way responsible for any consequences be they positive or negative.
You have a great shot with the man if he contacts you without prompting. You are clearly first string there. However, what if he has not reached out to you. If he has not prevented communication with you, then you are in the sweet spot of 2nd or 3rd string. This is a good place to be. First stringers are generally inundated with gentleman callers. These are the woman that seem like they were born with a boyfriend. These are the women for whom the "pretty girl who never gets asked out" is true... that is until they get on a dating site.
So you are not his first pick... or his first dozen or so picks. Once you get past that, initiate contact. It does not have to be a full blown begin the process of getting to know each other. You can just let him know that you are a real live woman who is interested in getting to know him better.
If you are a second string, then this is nothing but good news. You are telling a man who already has a moderate level of interest in you that you are slightly more interested in him than he is in you. This is a good position to be in, as it gives him an ego boost. However, if you are third string this does not always play out well for you. You being interested in him does make you more attractive in his eyes, however is that enough for him to make contact? That is the million dollar question. If you take the "glass half full" approach then you may see it as the extra little push that he needs to see you for the woman that you are. Chances are actually in your favor if you think about it. He has weighed the idea of closing the door on the possibility and yet decided to keep the door open.
A woman not responding to a man's overtures, either poorly or not at all, always makes a woman who shows interest more enticing. He may not be knocking down your door, however if you play your cards right he might just be knocking at your door in the near future.
The advice doled out is unqualified and is just for entertainment purposes. Your results may vary. The author is in no way responsible for any consequences be they positive or negative.
Silence Is Not Golden...
When it comes to rejection, silence is never golden. While it may be to protect the man from the sting of rejection, Silence only adds to the pain. Rejection should be quick and to the point. Do not sugarcoat it and do not put it off. The longer you wait for him to get the hint, the less likely it is that he will pick up on it without a sense of anger.
By the same token, do not be unduly harsh. A simple statement of non-interest is sufficient. Lying about a non-existent boyfriend or some other reason that you cannot be together only creates an implied "not right now" that you never intended.
This goes for online rejection as well as in-preson rejection. I am a fan of a two tiered approach for online dating / matchmaking sites. If no contact has been made, then a simple push of the "Not Interested" button is fine. However, if he has made an overture then you need to send a polite note, if possible, and wait for a few days for it to be read. Once you know it has been read or a sufficient duration of time (no less than 72 hours) then you can press the button on the budding romance. The note need only be something simple such as "I thank you for your interest and am flattered that you would choose to pursue me. I realize that it is not easy to make the first move, however the attraction is not mutual." You want it be available long enough for him to read and yet short enough duration that it is not misleading.
The advice doled out is unqualified and is just for entertainment purposes. Your results may vary. The author is in no way responsible for any consequences be they positive or negative.
By the same token, do not be unduly harsh. A simple statement of non-interest is sufficient. Lying about a non-existent boyfriend or some other reason that you cannot be together only creates an implied "not right now" that you never intended.
This goes for online rejection as well as in-preson rejection. I am a fan of a two tiered approach for online dating / matchmaking sites. If no contact has been made, then a simple push of the "Not Interested" button is fine. However, if he has made an overture then you need to send a polite note, if possible, and wait for a few days for it to be read. Once you know it has been read or a sufficient duration of time (no less than 72 hours) then you can press the button on the budding romance. The note need only be something simple such as "I thank you for your interest and am flattered that you would choose to pursue me. I realize that it is not easy to make the first move, however the attraction is not mutual." You want it be available long enough for him to read and yet short enough duration that it is not misleading.
The advice doled out is unqualified and is just for entertainment purposes. Your results may vary. The author is in no way responsible for any consequences be they positive or negative.
Anger Is Not Beautiful
I see a lot of angry women on dating and matchmaking sites as of late. They are angry at the sites for poor matches, at men for not responding, at men for being "shallow", and other women for being "perfect".
As a man I am just as upset about being matched with literally hundreds of women, most of whom I would not even think of dating. I am certainly not going to express it in a public forum let alone in a profile where I am looking to attract someone of the opposite gender. No site is perfect and they are largely limited to what they are given as far as applicants. I am actually a fan of a site where I may get a match or two every six weeks or so because they are higher quality matches. Your expressed anger may be the root of your issue. I generally skip any woman who is angry.
Men get a lot of women that they are interested in who do not respond, so this is not an one sided issue. Understanding that both genders experience this may help you. I understand that it is really depressing when you think that you have found someone that you may click with only to find out that they are unwilling to respond and/or already in a relationship. A simple "currently in a relationship, putting this on hold" would be greatly appreciated in the latter case. Once again, expressing your anger in your profile is a turn-off. Men will skip the angry women.
Lets be honest, is anyone going to date someone to whom they are not physically attracted? Just because the man you like does not like you back does not make him shallow. Just because no one has communicated with you does make them shallow. Do I skip over unattractive women that I have been matched with? Yes. Is there something beyond physical appearance that causes me be okay with skipping them? Yes. The interesting side is something that I have mentioned before in this article, being angry makes you less attractive.
Being angry at someone because they are prettier than you makes you look petty in the eyes of a man. Open hostility towards some unknown, size 8, 5'7" woman is not going to make men like you better. That was a very specific unknown woman. I got that off of a woman's profile. She said that she hated women like that because they were stealing all the men from her. If you are an otherwise attractive woman than being a little cynical can be attractive, however that is a rare instance.
All that said I fully understand someone's frustration with paying for a service that is doing you a dis-service. Some mainstream sites have monthly membership fees that are the third highest monthly bill their members receive behind housing and transportation. Complain, privately, to your service provider. Tell them that you have paid for X amount of months of service and have gotten nowhere. Generally, sites say give them six months. They may help you tweak your profile or setting to better serve you. One site once offered all its members a six month complimentary extension of service for each member who did not have a match in the first six months. It is not much, however technically it does cut the bill in half.
The advice doled out is unqualified and is just for entertainment purposes. Your results may vary. The author is in no way responsible for any consequences be they positive or negative.
As a man I am just as upset about being matched with literally hundreds of women, most of whom I would not even think of dating. I am certainly not going to express it in a public forum let alone in a profile where I am looking to attract someone of the opposite gender. No site is perfect and they are largely limited to what they are given as far as applicants. I am actually a fan of a site where I may get a match or two every six weeks or so because they are higher quality matches. Your expressed anger may be the root of your issue. I generally skip any woman who is angry.
Men get a lot of women that they are interested in who do not respond, so this is not an one sided issue. Understanding that both genders experience this may help you. I understand that it is really depressing when you think that you have found someone that you may click with only to find out that they are unwilling to respond and/or already in a relationship. A simple "currently in a relationship, putting this on hold" would be greatly appreciated in the latter case. Once again, expressing your anger in your profile is a turn-off. Men will skip the angry women.
Lets be honest, is anyone going to date someone to whom they are not physically attracted? Just because the man you like does not like you back does not make him shallow. Just because no one has communicated with you does make them shallow. Do I skip over unattractive women that I have been matched with? Yes. Is there something beyond physical appearance that causes me be okay with skipping them? Yes. The interesting side is something that I have mentioned before in this article, being angry makes you less attractive.
Being angry at someone because they are prettier than you makes you look petty in the eyes of a man. Open hostility towards some unknown, size 8, 5'7" woman is not going to make men like you better. That was a very specific unknown woman. I got that off of a woman's profile. She said that she hated women like that because they were stealing all the men from her. If you are an otherwise attractive woman than being a little cynical can be attractive, however that is a rare instance.
All that said I fully understand someone's frustration with paying for a service that is doing you a dis-service. Some mainstream sites have monthly membership fees that are the third highest monthly bill their members receive behind housing and transportation. Complain, privately, to your service provider. Tell them that you have paid for X amount of months of service and have gotten nowhere. Generally, sites say give them six months. They may help you tweak your profile or setting to better serve you. One site once offered all its members a six month complimentary extension of service for each member who did not have a match in the first six months. It is not much, however technically it does cut the bill in half.
The advice doled out is unqualified and is just for entertainment purposes. Your results may vary. The author is in no way responsible for any consequences be they positive or negative.
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