...I wanted to think about how I was going to say this without seeming like a snotty little wench. So for now I am going to say "no". The reason is because I know nothing about him and I am really REALLY particular about who I date...  He and I  would have to be friends for a WHILE and I would have to feel I know him inside and out, and most of all I would have to feel like he's "the one"... I would like to get to know him...  I'm not turning down being his friend. I just do not want be set up on a date with him. I hope that came across the way I meant.

This a grammatically cleaned up version of an e-mail response from a female friend of mine whom a male friend of mine was interested in.  I was attempting to play matchmaker. 

I totally respect my female friend's feelings on this issue.  However, I do not agree, at least not wholeheartedly, with what she is saying.  I am all for getting to know someone before dating.  And I am all for dating with purpose, however knowing they are "the one" before you will date them seems impossible and quite burdensome.

As a man, I am not comfortable having that weight hanging over my head.  If we date then we are going to get married!? That is scary.  I do not any man who can honestly make that commitment.  I have a friend who "prayed away" any woman he was interested in dating, until he met his wife.  She was the only woman that he actually dated.  He also cheated on her.  He never set out to be unfaithful.  The woman with whom he had the affair never intended to cheat with him or hurt his wife who she thought of as a friend.  It just happened.  They let their guards down when his wife was in the hospital for a protracted period of time. 

That is not to say that dating only one person is bad.  I am just saying that dating only one person with the predetermined knowledge that they will be the only person you ever date is bad. 

All that aside, From a male perspective that makes a woman look bad.  I have had many male friends who have women come up to them and say that they were meant for each other.  He was not feeling that same way about them and it caused him to run away from relationships because he thought all women were that way.  He the very same friend of whom the aforementioned e-mail references.

Is he all for the slow bloom of romance? Sure.  Is he willing to be her friend before dating her? Sure.  Is he willing to commit himself to marrying her before actually dating her? I am not so sure.


The advice doled out is unqualified and is just for entertainment purposes. Your results may vary. The author is in no way responsible for any consequences be they positive or negative.